A Father’s Day Wish
June 22, 2009 | Leave a Comment
He is does not initiate conversation anymore; as often as not, he sits quietly and alone. He goes to bed early – too early – as if he is tired. Perhaps he is only bored – or frustrated.
This recent Father’s Day, I returned to my parents’ house after a lovely day of dining and touring with my folks. My brother, who now shares our original childhood home with our parents, was working on his daughter’s car in the driveway. “Need help with anything?” my father asked of my brother, with a wistful tone to the inquiry. I could see how much he would have loved to assist, if only his wasted eyesight would allow him to see better, and his beleaguered body had better balance and strength. The will was there – so evidently there – but the “way” was not. I wished that my father could again be the “master of all” that I once believed him to be.
As difficult as the aging process is for anyone, some studies are showing that it is generally more psychologically challenging for men . Essentially, it’s the old “they refuse to ask for directions” thing.
Make every day Father’s Day; pay attention to his needs – even if he wont ask for your help, he might appreciate your time and effort.
Timeless Memories
May 2, 2009 | Leave a Comment
In the end, is is refreshing to know that life isn’t always about the money. For every horror story one hears about familial rancor over inheritance issues, one can find balance in another heartfelt lesson about the little things that mean the most.
Enjoy this lovely, touching, article on a daughter’s realization about what really matters.
Slow Medicine for a Timely End of Life
May 1, 2009 | Leave a Comment
I recently had a discussion with an acquaintance who is an EMT rescue worker. He and his colleagues had gone out on a local call to a home where they knew the resident had a “do not resuscitate” order on file. What a conflict to deal with, knowing an elder’s wishes but having a frantic family pressing you to “do something now!” In the midst of a medical crisis, the personal wishes of a loved one many sometimes be overlooked or misrepresented, even with the best of intentions.
Elders and their families need to be candid in their discussions regarding daily and emergency care. The NY Times has published a great article about one community that is practicing “slow medicine,” with the hope that its residents will avoid the pitfalls of “death by intensive care.”
Living a Legacy
March 30, 2009 | Leave a Comment
I have just come across a fabulous quote from an organization called Lumunos.
“Living a legacy rather than simply leaving a legacy.”
These words seem to embody the spirit of the story behind A Bridge Between. Life is not just about how we live, but how we live with others.
Lumonos has published some interesting short articles written by elders, exploring the process of aging and its effect on their faith and the lives they lead.
Grandma’s Hands
February 25, 2009 | 3 Comments
You know all those email forwards that constantly plague our in-boxes? Well, sometimes they’re worth reading – maybe even worth reading twice. My friend sent me the following lovely message. I would like to offer proper credit to whomever originated both the photo and the accompanying text.** (**Editor’s note: a reader has commented and provided the following info: “The picture was taken by Pamela McFarland Walsh. The poem is by Melinda Clements. Read the story of this generational picture on Pamela’s website (here).” )
“I was privileged to take a photo of ‘Five Generations of Women’ shortly before my 93 year-old Grandmother passed away last year. The photo, shown below [coming soon], features the hands of my Grandmother, Mom, Sister, Niece and Great-Niece. While I can’t take credit for the idea, I was so happy to have had the suggestion & capture this moment. It inspired a friend of mine to do something similar which turned out so beautiful and a special keepsake prior to her father’s passing.”
– Melinda Clements
The Hands of Five Generations of Women ~ photo by Pamela McFarland Walsh
GRANDMA’S HANDS
Grandma, some ninety plus years, sat feebly on the patio bench.
She didn’t move, just sat with her head down staring at her hands.When I sat down beside her she didn’t acknowledge my presence and the
longer I sat I wondered if she was OK.Finally, not really wanting to disturb her but wanting to check on her
at the same time, I asked her if she was OK. She raised her head and
looked at me and smiled. ‘Yes, I’m fine, thank you for asking,’ she
said in a clear, strong voice.‘I didn’t mean to disturb you, grandma, but you were just sitting here
staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were OK,’ I
explained to her.‘Have you ever looked at your hands,’ she asked. ‘I mean really
looked at your hands?’I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I turned them
over, palms up and then palms down. No, I guess I had never really looked at
my hands as I tried to figure out the point she was making.Grandma smiled and related this story:
‘Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, how they have
served you well throughout your years. These hands, though wrinkled
shriveled and weak have been the tools I have used all my life to
reach out and grab and embrace life.They braced and caught my fall when as a toddler I crashed upon the
floor.They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back. As a child, my
mother taught me to fold them in prayer. They tied my shoes and pulled
on my boots. They held my husband and wiped my tears when he went off
to war.They have been dirty, scraped and raw, swollen and bent. They were
uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn son. Decorated
with my wedding band they showed the world that I was married and loved someone
special.They wrote my letters to him and trembled and shook when I
buried my parents and spouse.They have held my children and grandchildren, consoled neighbors, and
shook in fists of anger when I didn’t understand.They have covered my face, combed my hair, and washed and cleansed the
rest of my body. They have been sticky and wet, bent and broken, dried
and raw. And to this day when not much of anything else of me works
real well these hands hold me up, lay me down, and again continue to
fold in prayer.These hands are the mark of where I’ve been and the ruggedness of life.
But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out
and take when he leads me home. And with my hands He will lift me to
His side and there I will use these hands to touch the face of
Christ.’I will never look at my hands the same again. But I remember God
reached out and took my grandma’s hands and led her home.When my hands are hurt or sore or when I stroke the face of my
children and husband I think of grandma. I know she has been stroked and
caressed and held by the hands of God.I, too, want to touch the face of God and feel His hands upon my
face.When you receive this, say a prayer for the person who sent it to
you, and watch God’s answer to prayer work in your life. Let’s continue
praying for one another.Passing this on to anyone you consider a friend will bless you both.
Passing this on to one not yet considered a friend is something Christ would do.
– Melinda Clements, Author
Blue Zones Equal Longevity & Quality of Life
February 22, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Congratulations to my father, who turns 92 years old today! The mystery of why some people live a long and healthy life may never be fully explained. Much attention is now being paid to the so-called “blues zones,” and why many of the residents of these areas tend to live longer than anywhere else. As if I needed a reason to return to Italy, that fact that the island of Sardinia is identified as a “blue zone” can only serve as added inspiration.
NPR posted this article on a book written by author Dan Beuttner about the blue zones, offering an overview of thoughts behind the phenomenon.
Give your own lifestyle a healthy boost. Link directly to the Blue Zones Community.
The Truth About Life
February 12, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Katharine Whitehorn provides a delightful read in this article The Truth About Life After 80. Included are some personal insights from individuals living in their 80′s.